Sunday, March 7, 2010

Let is out sista

So since this is my blog I am allowed to post what I want right?....Well I am and I am sorry if this just seems like a pity party but that is how this post is gonna go, so do not read on if you do not care. LOL
Lately nothing seems to be going right for me. School is such a downer. I have failed yes failed every single test I have taken this quarter. I study like crazy, one day for one of my classes I spent 6 hours of my day in the tutor lab. That is not including the 2 hour experiment lab I did that day and the hour of class I attend as well. This seems to be an ongoing thing for me. I have not missed a class yet this quarter and I am just tired of this nonsense. I cannot help but get mad and frustrated when I fail. What am I doing wrong? Argh.
Then, it sure is not the easiest thing being a single mom. Everyday brings new challenges. I feel like I cannot at all compare to other moms out there, and I sometimes think that well Rebekah you made the choice to become single so deal. I know that my choices were the right ones to make and that ultimately me and my girls will be better off for it, and so far we are, it is just really hard to be all alone raising 2 girls.
Speaking of being alone, I am lonely. Sometimes my loneliness is worse then other times. But it's mostly at night when my kids are in bed and I am watching The Office or something and laugh, and no one else is laughing with me. I call my sister Kim like 20 times a day just to tell her about what I am doing. And to complain and talk about my drama with my ex husband. I know she doesn't mind but I know it's gotta get old. I am trying to put myself out there back in the "dating" world and I just feel so unwanted by men, I think who wants to take on my kind of baggage? Who wants to deal with my emotions, and my life?
Then there are times when I feel ok, and happy with life and I hear myself laugh or feel myself smile and I like myself. Life doesn't seem so bad for that brief moment. But that is all it is, and brief moment. I know a lot of people have it worse off then I do, but seriously I just need "this to shall pass" to pass.
If you are reading this part, thank you for supporting me and reading through that, you are a trooper, and truely a good friend, or sister, or mom, or whomever you are to me.